Intimacy in dating
"Sharing those feelings and seeing your partner as that kid, either sad or happy, can evoke deep feelings and connections with each other." To sidle up next to your partner emotionally, talk about the things you have seen your partner do to grow. "Each partner shares one new thing that they have noticed that their partner has been working on to improve themselves and/or the relationship," Carlyle Jansen, author of Author, Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms, tells Bustle. In the course of discussion, tell your partner one thing that you "have been reluctant to bring up, and why," and ask them to do the same, Jansen says.
"I always recommend that you give to get," he says. If you want to get closer to someone tell them something that very few, if any, other people know." And you don't have to bare it all, end of story."Aim for a daily gratitude challenge — when you cozy up in bed, say thank you and take a moment to appreciate your significant other," she suggests. "Another great way to increase intimacy is to reminisce about your first date or the first time you slept together," she suggests.Bringing scent memory or visual cues into the narrative is the way to go: "Share as many details as possible," Burns says." This can spark a connected conversation — but only if you're willing to do the legwork too."You have to be willing to be open and honest, and the partner has to be willing to grant and try what they share," she says."Maybe you remember what she wore, or how he smelled.
This can help to bring those butterflies back." "One conversation that can help build intimacy with your partner is inviting them into your life as a guest, relationship coach Jase Lindgren tells Bustle.
Even if things don't go exactly that way, opening up can only foster intimacy, dating, relationship and lifestyle expert Steven Ward tells Bustle.
"Intimacy, by definition, is shared secret knowledge," he says.
"The truth is, we all know how to treat each other when things are going well," says Astarte.
"But when someone is depressed or frustrated or upset, oftentimes we try to fix the problem, rather than simply lend an ear." This goes really well for some — and terribly for others. Others just want to their partners to hold space for them in their down times," she says.
Find out how your partner likes to be comforted when times are tough, and try to show up in that way when the sh*t hits the fan, clinical hypnotherapist, author and educator Rachel Astarte, who offers transformational coaching for individuals and couples at Healing Arts New York, tells Bustle.